I haven't written anything in quite a while but from recent events I thought I would share my views with you all. It sometimes feels surreal this life, changing from good to bad and back good again. It was wonderful recently with a family wedding of my cousin. I very much enjoyed especially seing family I don't always see. Finally meeting 3 new additions in it's self was so special. Good company in great surroundings not even necessarily needing to talk just having them around was great.
Next especially with people with dmd passing one of was my good friends greg who passed last year his good friend since died. Along with that cancer has now affected my family, which is isn't easy to digest especially with what it does to someone. Although I did think about family and how important it is to cherish happy and important memories and milestones with family. Always good to reminisce about these things but it's something nobody can take away from you.
Life can be extremely strange but usually and hopefully it's all good, what happens is an experience good or bad it's something learned sometimes regardless of your feelings any of these experiences can be useful. Maybe the best solutions to these bad experiences is to use your strength to know just to live your life as best you can. I mostly enjoy life myself but certain things about life can be a struggle dealing with, really my disability hardly bothers me, it's the seemingly normal things which affect me.
I often wonder about love and relationships, obviously you become more curious as years go on. I'm not going to whine on about it and from the experience of others in my position it's clearly possible so it would be a lie to say otherwise. I will admit I sometimes feel i'm missing something especially when people around you are experiencing what I myself would love to feel.
It might not be impossible but in certain ways it's slightly more problematic, with going out and about it's often loud, limiting you in communication with people. I would especially say that helps especially in my situation as it's the best way to show I have a certain amount of intellect and show my personality. Certainly finding the right type of woman helps, most Ifind attractive are extremely patronising with sometimes hurts my feelings , clearly not something i'm looking for. I know myself I have lots going for me within reason not cocky that's for sure. Understanding how to treat others is half and given the chance i'm sure I could care for a woman perfectly well. Obviously having to rely on others I have learned patience and perseverance which can only be helpful.
Lots of things in life don't help like how vanity usually seems to come before intelligence or a personality, that's sometimes reserved for ugly people it seems which really has no bearings at all on beauty. Looks shouldn't affect things too much although you can't help who you're attracted to, we all have a particular 'type' which doesn't always stay the same depending on who you meet. Although it's sometimes difficult not like beautiful women but everyone is attracted to something different. If someone was beautiful it might not necessarily be the reason why the people in question love each other. Some connection must have been made between one another whether it be a common interest, physical or a sense of humour shared, usually it isn't just one or the other it's a few different reason why people attract on another.
I have had a glints of possibly going out with women in some capacity but a few things happened exactly at the wrong time, one experience wasn't very nice and sort of felt like a punch through the heart. My problem is I seem to really like people extremely quickly which has on an occasions caused my disappointment. Hopefully I will eventually meet someone, without trying to sound morbid sometimes I think I would like to experience something resembling some sort of love before leaving this earth. Some may disagree but I would challenge someone to oppose that statement, if so you probably haven't fully thought it through. I you were given the choice I would have thought most would like 'Tis better to have loved and lostThan never to have loved at all'. In certain ways i'm guessing that's probably incorrect especially psychologically but that's my opinion but I could definitely think of plenty circumstances where loss is never helpful especially losing someone you love not just romantically.
That's my take on life and relationships the latter my experiences are extremely limited but i'm writing from my heart which must mean something. How you feel is important as that's who you are, I think to feel love you must understand your feelings of which I feel I have a good understanding mostly. It's hard to truly know why things happen but I feel everything has a reason for happening.
Sometimes I wish I could just fly away somewhere away from everything and be free, hopefully somewhere I can feel sand or grass between my toes. That second part I could do but everyone feels like going somewhere away from everything but i'm sure coming back to reality sometimes helps. I probably wouldn't be selfish enough to do that but in recent years society makes me dream of going to some utopia or wherever society and corporations don't try to control and Influence our lives at any given moment.
Felt I needed to write this all down i'm hopeful some of you understand where i'm coming from on this. I would think at least understanding my thought process to a degree sometimes people don't get how I think with might be or bad i'm unsure.
Thanks for reading hopefully i'll have something more for everyone soon enough.
Much love Alan x
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